No Hair, Don’t Care

Sometimes, as a cancer patient, you want to blend in with the crowd. Blend in with those around you who have hair. Because, after all, being bald attracts attention and unwanted stares. Being bald equates sickness. And no matter how sick I feel, I don’t always want to look it. Sometimes, it’s hard to feel like a woman when the features that amplify your femininity fade away.

No makeup. Little hair.

No makeup. Little hair. (May 2013)

After being diagnosed with cancer in January of 2012 and learning I would lose all of my hair, I was devastated. I had just reached the point where I was obsessed with my locks, so facing the reality that they would be gone in a matter of weeks was calamitous. That was 14 months ago, and since then, I have lost my hair a few more times. But, never once had I grieved my eyebrows or eyelashes. In my second season of treatment, my hair loss became more of an inconvenience rather than devastation. I had gotten pretty used to it. However, this time around, chemo decided to take a little more hair with it. This time, I lost all of my locks… as usual, the new curls on my head and the hair on my legs and arms. But, this season, even my eyebrows and eyelashes disappeared. Everything. The only hairs I hadn’t been used to saying goodbye to were my brows and lashes, and boy did I realize what an adjustment that would be. I had never understood how much I had taken those short little hairs for granted.

What a difference brows and lashes make! (May 2013)

What a difference brows and lashes make! (May 2013)

As a woman, I like to feel beautiful. I like being confident in the way I appear to the world. I had always thought if I were to lose my lashes and brows that I would look like an alien. Or even a hairless rat. Or maybe a hairless rat-like alien. Regardless, I had thought that if my brows and lashes were to fade away, my beauty would soon then follow. After all, I had never had to draw my brows on, and only wore false lashes on few occasions. What was I to do?

I have an aversion to having all eyes on me. I don’t like all the attention. And, I don’t like being the sick girl. The cancer patient. Because of this, I’ve become somewhat of a chameleon. Not many people have been able to see me without my “mask” on. And frankly, because I appear to be healthy, it’s hard for others to see the face of sickness. When I’m made-up, cancer doesn’t shine through. And while that’s the point, it’s necessary to see what the “before” looks like.

Many women share that they don’t feel femininely beautiful after hair loss. I get that. I feel that way, too. But there is hope. And thank the Lord for makeup! Gifted with cosmetic creativity, I have been able to gather my tools and tricks and go to work on the canvas of my face. I am here to testify that as a woman diagnosed with cancer or for those suffering hair loss for other reasons, you can still be beautiful! Losing your hair does not mean you have to look vastly different from your prior furry self. It’ll take effort and creativity, but it is possible.

Makeup complete and hair on! (May 2013)

Makeup complete and hair on! (May 2013)

Cancer tried to take away a lot. And even though it has tried to strip me of my appearance, I will not let it. No hair, don’t care. I’m beautiful, regardless.

And so are you.

Isaiah 40:8 (ESV)

“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”

 

9 Comments on No Hair, Don’t Care

  1. SherryJ
    May 16, 2013 at 2:29 PM (5 years ago)

    YES, Steph, YES!!!

    Sherry

    Reply
  2. Lauren
    May 16, 2013 at 3:17 PM (5 years ago)

    Beautiful & so inspiring!!

    Reply
  3. beckmomof5
    May 16, 2013 at 4:30 PM (5 years ago)

    This is a beautiful reminder, thank you and God Bless you :)

    Reply
  4. Susie Goodew
    May 16, 2013 at 4:55 PM (5 years ago)

    What a great blog!!! I loved the words and the pictures. What a neat visual progression. Thank you for sharing, Steph!! Love you!! xoxoxo

    Reply
  5. NotDownOrOut
    May 16, 2013 at 9:04 PM (5 years ago)

    What a beautiful woman you are! Inside and outside.

    Reply
  6. Janice Smith
    May 28, 2013 at 7:55 AM (5 years ago)

    I am very proud of you Stephanie. Thank you for encouraging women everywhere.

    Reply
  7. Marifrances Conrad
    June 30, 2013 at 7:09 PM (4 years ago)

    You are gorgeous and brave. You are a true warrior.

    Reply
  8. Carrie
    September 29, 2016 at 5:04 AM (1 year ago)

    Would you share more about your wig – or where you got it. I start chemo on Monday and your’s is the first I’ve seen that looks natural. I’m so desperately lost in the search. And I know this post is 3 years old and it’s a long shot asking here. Lol

    Reply
    • Stephanie
      September 29, 2016 at 10:53 AM (1 year ago)

      Hi Carrie! I sent you an email this morning. Hope you got it! I’ve been receiving quite a few inquiries about my wigs, so stay tuned for a blog post specifically dedicated to that topic in the next few weeks!

      Reply

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