August 2017 archive

Fun Chat Friday

In the last month, I’ve begun a weekly digital series that I’ve titled, “Fun Chat Friday.” Through Instagram Stories I share about a variety of topics each week as a way to invite you to learn more about me on a personal level. It’s a great way to interact with all of you and I’ve really been enjoying it.

I launched the series by debunking the myth that I had breast cancer. Many of my social media followers were under the impression that because I have several friends who survived breast cancer, I must have too. Since then, I’ve addressed frequently asked questions including those about my nutrition and gluten/dairy/sugar-free vegetarian lifestyle, the top five ways I cope with scanxiety, and most recently, what life looks like now and what projects I am working on as of late.

I’ve been given wonderful feedback from these weekly episodes, and am surprised at how well they have been received by all of you. It’s nice to put a face and voice to my words, isn’t it? Sometimes a person’s full personality doesn’t entirely show through written words, but seeing them interact in a more personal way adds depth to one’s character. If you don’t already follow me on Instagram, please do (@derailingmydiagnosis)!

Some have asked how Instagram is different than my Facebook business page or even my blog and to be honest, it gives you a deeper look into my life. I share throwback photos of my time fighting cancer, sneak peeks into my daily life after cancer, and what inspires me now. When I visit the doctor, I take you along with me, sharing pictures and videos in real time. You see my minute-by-minute updates, my raw emotions, and what it’s truly like behind the scenes of my life.

Instagram has become a platform where I share more intimate details of my journey, and has quickly become my favorite way of sharing my story. As previously mentioned, every Friday I post a video series on a wide array of topics. Some topics are more serious and others are lighthearted and fun. Every topic comes from emails I receive from you. So, if you have a question or would like me to speak more on a specific subject, let me know!

The only catch to these stories is that they disappear after twenty-four hours, which gives you incentive to tune in each week. Though if you miss a Fun Chat Friday episode, you’re not entirely out of luck. Some of the topics will be featured here on the blog in the weeks following each episode. For example, this month I’ll be writing about two topics previously featured on Fun Chat Friday: nutrition and my five tips for coping with scanxiety.

On the lineup in the weeks to come, I’ll be sharing about the side effects I experienced during treatment and those that continue to linger after, my favorite products (hair, makeup, and accessories), how I choose joy in the midst of the storm, and who is most inspiring to me. I am loving this new venture and enjoy having a space that I can more readily interact with all of you.

One of the most revealing things that I’ve learned in sharing my story so openly is that we really do need each other. We are not meant to walk through life alone. Social media, though at times overwhelming and intrusive, provides an incredible community for all of us. No matter if you are currently fighting cancer, have survived the disease, or are walking a similar path of suffering, the power of social media has the ability to unite us. My ultimate goal for Fun Chat Friday is that you would know you are not alone. Let’s be vulnerable with one another. We’re in this together.

I receive daily emails, direct messages, and comments from you, and each one impacts my life. Though it’s been over five years that I publicly began to share my story, reading each note continues to leave in me in awe at the simple beauty of communication and camaraderie. I am grateful for you. For your dedication in following along as I have faced my darkest seasons, my most memorable moments, and the tremendous growth I’ve experienced and wisdom I’ve gained over the years. Your support and encouragement never go unnoticed.

If you want to join me each week — to laugh, maybe cry, and most definitely learn more about me — tune in to Fun Chat Friday! This week I’ll be digging into the past in a way I haven’t yet done. I’ve spent days scouring the hundreds of pictures we took during the very midst of my fight, specifically looking for the ones that tell the painful story of the side effects I experienced during treatment. Many have asked how chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery affected me then and how it still affects me now, so that’s what I’ll be chatting about this week!

See you on Friday!

IMG_5929

 

Hebrews 10: 24-25 (ESV)

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Fear, Faith, and Follow-Ups

SMadsenHope25-2“I don’t know about you, but I feel really good about this scan. You’re going to be cancer-free. I just know it.”

You’d be surprised at how often I hear this from family, friends, and sometimes strangers around the time I’m due for my latest follow-up scan. While my initial reaction is to bristle in response, it also breathes life into the dark and doubting places in my spirit. It’s a double-edged sword. I love and hate hearing it. I appreciate the words because, deep down in my soul, I feel them to be true. Yet, history glows on my medical reports. Having experienced three recurrences, I’m cautious and timid about predicting what’s to come. The truth is, we never know what the results of each scan will be until my doctor presents them to me face-to-face.

There have been seasons when I have felt, with every fiber in my being, that the cancer was gone. And I’ve been wrong. Likewise, there have been moments when my fears were overwhelming and I was convinced that the disease was infesting my body. And again, I’ve been proven wrong. I’ve had more scans than I can count, so I’ve learned to maintain a specific posture while facing them. Cautiously optimistic and abundantly thankful.

I stand with cautious optimism to maintain balance. It’s neither healthy to be ridden with the anxiety of looming bad news, nor to be preemptively and naively excited for positive results. It’s crucial to rest somewhere in the middle. Cautious and optimistic. Additionally, I remind myself to be thankful when scans are on the horizon. Depression, fear, and doubt cannot penetrate gratitude. Joy is birthed in a thankful heart. I reflect on how far I have come, all that I have, and all that God has waiting for me in the future. Second to salvation, life itself is the greatest gift of all.

“I feel good about it.” My dad actually said this to me yesterday. As soon as the words hit my ears, my insides shuddered. And as quickly as I recoiled, I also smiled. What an odd experience. I am full of faith and hope, yet fear pricks at my heart. You see, fear and faith are not mutually exclusive. So often we believe they are. That if we are afraid, we are simply lacking faith. How defeating must that be, for us to be faithless if fear is present? It’s simply not the truth. Fear is a human response, yet faith is a supernatural assurance. They can be felt simultaneously.

Likewise, I’ve grown to understand the difference between fear and fearless. Fearlessness is not a lack of fear but rather a resilient determination to push through the circumstance that makes us most afraid. Fearless means forging a way amidst paralyzing doubt and trepidation. Fearless is a mindset and a commitment. To be fearless is to overcome.

I am full of faith in a God who redeems, restores, and heals. Faith is an assurance in what cannot be seen, and while I have not tangibly seen God, I have seen Him to be true in my life. He is present, at work, and carefully orchestrating every detail. He has gone before me. He has written my story. He has rescued me. My God is alive, and I have faith in Him. At the same time, I struggle with the fear of my earthly opponent. My flesh is quick to breed anxiety and doubt. Rather than reflecting on the miracles woven in my story, my mind falls prey to the memories of past disappointments and recurrences. Fear is a looming shadow, stealthy to entrap me.

My faith is unmoved and unwavering, though my flesh is broken and afraid. Simply put, my faith is abundant because it rests in my Savior, and my fear is present because it rests in a scan. God does not change, our circumstance does. And right now, as my latest follow-up scan approaches, I am choosing to maintain a posture of cautious optimism and an attitude of gratitude. Am I afraid? Not overwhelmingly so, but enough to put me on edge. Scanxiety is real, no matter how long you’ve been cancer-free. Do I have faith? 100% YES! God is bigger than my fear and mightier than my disease.

As you read this, Matt and I will be in between appointments at MD Anderson for my next round of scans, tests, and doctors visits. If you remember my last trip to Houston, I officially reached the two-year mark of being NED, which means my scans have now switched from every three months to every six months. It’s hard to believe that it’s been only six months since my last trip to the hospital! We’ll be venturing to MD Anderson once again to not only meet with my specializing gynecologic oncologist and receive a PET/CT scan, but additionally to meet with a new team of doctors for further tests. (I’ve been experiencing intermittent nerve pain in my breasts and want to be extra sure it’s nothing, therefore I’ll be receiving a mammogram to be precautious.)

While I rarely look forward to these appointments, I find myself with excited anticipation for my last appointment on Thursday. It’s something I have looked forward to for years, and it’s hard to believe it’s finally here. Barring no new spots on my scans, my port will be removed! A momentous occasion indeed!

As we spend two solid days at MD Anderson with eight separate appointments, we ask that you stand with us in prayer. Though this isn’t our first rodeo and we aren’t expecting news other than the positive kind, fear and anxiety are present, but we are full of faith and cautiously optimistic for good results!

Philippians 4:6-7 (MSG)

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”