It’s official. I’m in a magazine. And it’s exciting, weird, mind-blowing, and purely awesome.
With every blog I post, and every email I receive from readers who have been touched by my story, the more I want to share it. Thanks to a great friend of mine who works at the hospital I frequent, my story has been publicized. I can’t help but feel proud and happy that my battle has not gone unnoticed. That may sound boastful, but I truly mean it without any ego. It touches my heart to know that God didn’t just get bored one day and think, “I think I’ll spice up their lives by allowing her to get cancer!” (although, sometimes it does feel like the divine version of Emeril Legasse just went “BAM” with my life’s recipe). On the contrary, He allowed this diagnosis as a way of not only helping me grow and learn new perspectives, but to help others through their life’s diagnosis’. For those who have written me with similar stories of cancer, inability to carry your own child, and the many other struggles, I want you to know that I deeply appreciate it. It encourages me to know that through my story, you are receiving hope as well. If that’s all I gain through this adventure, I am satisfied.
I want to share my journey. I know I already have and will continue to through this blog, however, I feel called to something bigger than this. The fire is burning inside of me and my passion for helping others find hope and strength in their journeys is reaching new heights. I’ve mentioned it to a few close friends and family recently, and now seems like the right time to share it with the rest of you. Truth is, I feel called to speak. At small and/or big events and one on one settings- regardless, I feel like God has given me this story for a reason. I have said that since the beginning, and I still strongly believe it. God has given me this story to share, and my job is to read the pages.
Little tid-bit: I’m frightened of public speaking. I speak in public daily and I definitely can talk a lot (my husband will nod his head in agreement while reading this). Yet, standing alone in front of a group of people with all eyes on me is slightly intimidating. Granted, I haven’t spoken in front of a large group of people since high school. And, it’s not as if I’m sharing a story I know nothing about. This speech I know. This journey I’ve walked. This book I’ve read. There is no memorizing the dates and events that happened. It’s written in my brain permanently. And lately, when I think I can’t possibly do something, I always remind myself, “Chick, you freakin’ beat cancer. Of course you can do ____!” When it comes down to it, yes I CAN share the good news with people. Yes I CAN spread hope and shine light in the darkness. Yes I CAN tell people that no matter how shitty (no better word, folks) things get, you WILL fight your hardest and you are stronger and braver than you think. At the end of the day, it’s not about public speaking. It’s about sharing hope, spreading strength, and inspiring courage. Now, that I can do.
When everything is stripped away, it’s not about me, it’s about Him.
John 15:16-17 (ESV)
“‘You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.'”