Matt and I never imagined having to involve someone else in the process of conceiving a baby. We’ve always dreamed it would be an act of our love for one another…just the two of us. Cancer changes a lot of things, doesn’t it? Even the most intimate parts of your life are affected.
Truth is, we were going to start trying to get pregnant in about a year. A month ago, I openly admitted to having “baby fever”. I’d been denying it too long. Matt has the bug also, he’s just better at controlling the urge than I am! Although, we frequently talk about having babies soon, we know that we want to wait for a little while. However, this could change as we get further and further into this battle. I do enjoy seeing my husband swoon over the infant converse shoes, which our children will most definitely be rockin’. That, and seeing him with kids, are two of the most wonderful sights for me.
It’s amazing the things you take for granted. It’s amazing the things that YOU want to happen in your life. Sometimes we forget that God’s got bigger plans. While, we do have free will and the incredible privilege of choice, He is the ultimate author. My husband and I had a pretty traditional plan… Be married for a few years, buy a house, get pregnant (when you’re healthy, you don’t often think that you’ll have to “try”), have 2-3 kids, and live a happy and fulfilling life. Even now, reality is we still will be able to do all of those “traditional” things, just in a “non-traditional” way. There will be several people involved in our process. Luckily, we will be able to preserve some intimacy when we try to conceive. Because we have been stripped of the true intimacy of conception and fertility, the nitty-gritty details are going to remain sacred for us. Although, we may share a lot of the fertility process with some of you, in regards to posting all details for everyone to see, we would rather not. We want to hold onto as much as we can for just the two of us. After all, this will ultimately be a child or children we are talking about. And, you wouldn’t be there if we were conceiving the traditional way, now would ya?!
As far as blessings go. Holy crap, we’ve had SO many already in this process. When we hear “God goes before us”, it might not fully sink in, but for me it more than definitely has. He knew my whole story. He knew this would happen before I was even born. And although, He knew we would have a lot of mountains to climb over, He has continued to provide resting areas for us. With every day, and every appointment, and every test, I am discovering gifts along the way.
Here are some, just to name a few:
- I firmly believe that He was holding my cancer in one spot this whole past year. His hands were covering it for no one to see. He was testing me. He was making sure I would continue to press in and not give up. And frankly, He knew it would take me a year of fighting this unknown battle, to be trained and ready to withstand the truth. Praise God.
- Every single one of my doctors was hand-picked. From my Gynecologist to our fertility doctor. He has assembled the best team out there.
- Not only do I have the best team of doctors, but I am receiving treatment at one of the nations top facilities, Swedish Hospital.
- Though most may not know, the fertility center we are going to is one of the best in the world. Their patients include several celebrities and famous athletes. The main doctor can be seen on The Today Show and Good Morning America, among many others. 60% of their patients come from out of state, and 20% of those patients are international. God didn’t just move me here with my family 10 years ago, He moved me to the place where I could get the best treatment and care 10 years later!
- He has preserved my ovaries. They are unscathed. Which means, I am still fertile. I am producing healthy eggs. Matt is producing healthy sperm. This, in turn, means we are able to have biological children. Again, in a non-traditional way, but nevertheless.
- My cancer has been staged at 1b. Out of the 5 stages, this is the best. We caught this early enough that my chances for survival and full recovery are wonderful.
- Fertile Hope (The Lance Armstrong Foundation) knows about our situation, and will (most likely) cover all of my fertility meds. The medications are the most expensive part of the fertility process. And if, for whatever reason, they don’t, our fertility center has personally put aside medications for me. In fact, my nurse said they already have $1800 worth of meds, specifically for ME! I will never have to pay for any fertility medications, ever. Sometimes, having cancer pays off…
When people say, “Count your blessings”, you should. It doesn’t even have to be Thanksgiving for you to remember what you have been given! We are deeply blessed and have SO much to be grateful for. And, most of all, we are thankful for a God that’s got it all under control.
Our fertility process will be a long and extremely expensive one. However, at the end of this, our children will know how hard we fought for them, and that puts a huge smile on my face. In addition, we have tremendous faith that God is going to provide. As far as our process of fertility goes, we will have to freeze my eggs until we are ready to begin trying for children. Then, we will “fertilize” the eggs and store them, until we are ready to be pregnant. When I say, “we” and “pregnant”, it does not mean I will be carrying our baby(ies). God’s preparing a woman out there, specifically for us. He is preparing her heart, mind, and womb for this. And I am praying for her already! Maybe she’s a friend or family member? Only God knows. We were a little hesitant about the IVF process and what it all entailed, because of our strong belief that life starts at conception. However, in gaining knowledge about the procedures, God placed another gift in our path. We feared what might happen to embryos that aren’t used in this process. The good news is, they will notbe discarded, EVER. Hallelujah! What a sense of relief poured down on us, at hearing that news.Please pray that God provides for us financially, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Also pray for our surrogate, who we believe might be closer than we could imagine. Pray that God prepares her heart, mind, body, and womb for this journey. Surrogacy is one of the deepest gifts a woman can give someone. I never knew or understood that, until now.
John 14:1-4 (Message Version)
“Don’t let this throw you. You trust God, don’t you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my Father’s home. If that weren’t so, would I have told you that I’m on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I’m on my way to get your room ready, I’ll come back and get you so you can live where I live. And you already know the road I’m taking.”